Let’s see how far I get before my mind is convinced to buy.
She’s drop-dead gorgeous
Oh, Lever Gear Toolcard, how thine curves excite mine eyes.
The thought of holding thee in my hand maketh my lips drip with flowery language.
At 83 mm length, 53 mm width and a thickness of roughly 10 mm (with the sweet money clip attached), and a weight of a little over 28 grams, the Lever Gear Toolcard ain’t no big mamma. She’s slim and sexy.
She fits right inside my pocket; slides out when I need her; slides right back when a man needs some alone time.
But don’t be mistaken, this baby doesn’t suffer from anorexia, which brings me to the next excuse.
You don’t want no woman moaning all up in your ears when you’re tackling a tough job.
The Lever Gear Toolcard don’t moan, boy, she just do.
Stick her into a hairy situation and she comes out looking like she’s ready for a presidential ball.
Made from heat-treated 420 stainless steel and coated with a layer of Isonite, the Lever Gear Toolcard won’t die anytime soon.
That sentence includes all the words a Manly Man needs to hear: stainless steel; heat-treated; Isonite. Beautiful. If the Toolcard contained bacon, it would be the most epic tool in the history of tools.
She screws and unscrews stuff
The Lever Gear Toolcard comes with a flathead screwdriver, as well as a star (Phillips) screwdriver.
She measures things
The Lever Gear Toolcard comes with a metric and Imperial ruler. This means that you can use her to measure an object (of up to 80 mm) in England and America, then travel with that same object to the rest of the world, flip the Toolcard over and measure it the right way.
Metric, of course, is far superior to Imperial. But that’s another discussion altogether.
She also gives you perfect angles with a built-in protractor.
She draws perfect circles
They say that people who are able to draw perfect circles are psychopathic. Not psychopathic as in, “Whoa, did you see that back flip? That was psycho!”
I’m sure that’s all nonsense. How can a lovely little lady like this have any sociopathic tendencies? She seems so eager to help me out of tight situations.
She draws perfect circles from 10 mm up to 120 mm in diameter.
Stick a locating device into one of the allocated holes and use a pen or pencil INSIDE one of the other holes and draw the circle.
She cuts cord
The Lever Gear Toolcard has a built-in cord cutter.
What makes this cord cutter great is that the blade does not protrude, so you won’t cut off your fingers when you cut something, or nick your lip when you kiss her.
It also plays nice with airport officials.
You might come across as a psychopath because of your perfect circles, but no one will mistake you for a terrorist.
One thing though: you probably won’t be able to sharpen the Toolcard with the Lansky.
She has wrenches
Whether you want to loosen the connection to your V8 Hemi’s battery, or whether you want to tighten the bolt on your daughter’s three-wheeler, the Lever Gear Toolcard allows you to do so with the greatest of ease.
The Imperial wrenches handle bolts from 5/16 up to 1/2 inch, while the (much more logical) metric wrenches handle from 5 mm to 13 mm.
She opens bottles
She’ll open as many bottles as you want, without complaint.
None of that, “Honey, don’t you think you’ve had enough now?”
One bottle after the other. As many as you like.
Don’t drink too much though. One or two beers are enough.
Look, I would love to hang around some more and shoot the breeze, but I can’t. I’ve got, um, stuff to do, and so on. Let me run through some other features really quick.
More reasons to love the Lever Gear Toolcard.
She comes with:
- a 30, 45, 60 and 90 degree speed square,
- a 3/16 wrench for common 3/16 problems (must be an American thing…),
- a straight edge,
- a 1/4 inch hex bit holder,
- and a pry bar with nail ruler.
Are you still here? Shouldn’t you be heading for the lever Gear website to get yourself one?
While you’re there, get me a black Toolcard with a clip. We can double date…